So many questions... got any answers?

Since this seems to be the summer of my pseudo-identity-crisis, I've been thinking a lot about expectations and definitions of the roles I have in my life.

I'm a wife. A mother. A Christian. A woman. A teacher. An artist. A young person. A friend. A daughter.

What does that all mean?

I've always been conflicted about uniting all the roles I play and the compartments of my world into one. I never seem to be able to do it seamlessly (or successfully really) and I think it's because I am so consumed with trying to figure out what OTHER people expect from me, I've never sat down to figure out what I expect for my own life.

How do you stay a loving, romantic wife while still being a conscientious mother?

How do you balance being a teacher and an independent artist?

How do you reconcile your strong identity as a woman (and some of the feminist ideals that go with it) with being a submissive Christian?

How do you be a good friend, totally yourself, while accepting that you have A LOT of different things going on in your young life (i.e. marriage and children) than other friends your age?

How do you go from being the carefree daughter to the adult caretaker of your own parents?

I guess I should be asking, "How do I...?"

Gah, I just don't know.

What do I usually do when I don't know something?

Google it. :P

I actually googled the job description of an art teacher to try to get a better idea of who I should be at work:

• Instructs pupils in art, such as painting, sketching, designing, and sculpturing.
• Prepares lesson plans and establishes course goals.
  
• Selects books and art supplies for courses.
  
• Demonstrates method and procedure to pupils.
  
• Observes and evaluates pupils' work to determine student progress or to make suggestions for improvement.
  
• Confers with student, parent, and counselor to resolve student problem.
  
• Accompanies students on field trips to museums or art galleries.
• May specialize in teaching one or more areas of art, such as illustration, art history, or commercial art.
  
• May direct planning and supervision of student contests and arranging of art exhibits.
  
• May teach students with disabilities.
  

I do all of these things. But am I a good teacher? Am I getting through at all? Do I make one little bit of difference? Or am I just clocking in everyday? Is it supposed to just be a job and that's it? My family is more important to me than a paycheck but I spend 8 hours a day doing this job I thought I would absolutely love... a job I used to love... that now I just feel like a failure in. There's got to be a greater purpose to my days. My principal recently told me that she cannot validate me as a teacher, that I'm going to have to advertise myself and prove to everyone that there's a good reason to have me. So how do I become (or at least show if I already am) that rockstar teacher I want to be?

When will all these questions be silenced?!?