Exploring New Depths

I feel like I've been on a roller coaster. My emotions propel every action I perform lately, wise and unwise. I'm learning to be and hopefully maturing into a person who can consistently view others from God's eyes so I'll stop resting so much hope on them and getting painfully wounded with each disappointment. I can love regardless of how I am treated. I'm called to do that. He enables me to do that as I'm transformed by the renewing of my mind. What an unconventional idea... that you can choose what thoughts occupy your mind! So often, especially lately, I feel tortured by these incessant thoughts of how I've been mistreated, particularly by those who are "supposed" to love me the most. My feeble logic concludes that they must not really care about me at all....and if they don't care about me, what chance is there that anyone else could? See how insanely deep this rabbit hole goes? It's a never ending spiral of lies. But it can end. I can choose. I can take those thoughts captive and replace them with truth. What a beautiful hope (and not-so-easy practice) I'm striving for everyday.

And how goes my created family, you ask (you did ask, right? :P) These precious men set to work mending my heart and restoring my faith. I just think I'll never get over just how much my love for them grows and grows and grows. Seven years after a chance encounter, I'm still learning about and falling for this man of my dreams. He meets my needs and sweeps me off my feet. He makes me laugh and hears my cries. He understands me better than anyone and still marvels at the mysteries of my heart. I'm just so thankful for my husband. And Caleb, the full on boy, has developed such a strong and sweet personality.... he is a baby no longer! I connect with him in so many new ways each day. He senses things in me and I in him.... our bond is just...there. He's an absolute joy. So much so that I just want to be with him every waking moment. I honestly (insert knock on wood) just never get tired of being near him. The desperate frustration I felt at times when he was a newborn (and I was a sleepless fool :P) has been gone for quite some time and I really can't believe it hasn't come back. I just adore my son.

So, though I lack the Christmas spirit for some reason this year and really have no interest in carols and trees and lights and presents, I am so incredibly grateful for the gifts within my own home and my own heart. Thank you thank you and happy birthday Jesus!

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]