He said all he wanted was for me to be happy.
When I'm happy, my attitude changes the whole house.
"A woman has the God-given ability to influence the people around her."
When I'm happy, it makes him want to give us his undivided attention.
It makes me my most beautiful self.
And all this time I've been waiting for him to make me happy.
I didn't realize it. It's so cliche. But I was.
I don't know if I remember how to make my own happiness.
Its been so long since I've given myself permission to do that.
I've been too busy being a martyr, sacrificing everything for the "us", working and resenting and feeling guilty for the resenting.
I've been too busy demanding my rights and manipulating for happiness to just go out and make some for myself.
What a concept.
When I'm grateful, I'm so happy I'll do anything for you. No matter what, bend over backwards, careless of the cost.... But while I'm WAITING for you to do something that I can be grateful for? I'll do absolutely nothing.
I've got a desperate itch. But I won't scratch it myself. I'll wait for you to magically know I need it scratched... THEN I'll scratch your back. But if you never know (because I won't tell you) and never meet that need for me, it'll just keep on going unmet, my anger will grow, and I'll never meet your need.
Are you kidding me?!?
That's my cycle of crazy.
Corey and I had been married 3 or 4 years... maybe even 5, before I got this concept. I had READ the concept in marriage books, but it did not sink in until we lived in Brandon and I was miserable and found myself always blaming him. A godly mentor reminded me, kindly, that I could only change myself and my own attitude. Everything changed when I let that Truth enter my heart. I have never returned to that dark place where I expected my husband to be my god.
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